i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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