im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize