My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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