is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
fuck your aforementioned shoe
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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