every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
