and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
