I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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