I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
