so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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