we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
