Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
