she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize