i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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