If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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