i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
