I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
