it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
