so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
