morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
