I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
