so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
