so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
