Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
