She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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