soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
