Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
