You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
