How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize