Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
