dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
