i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
whose parrot is this?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
