everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
