White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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