Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
