there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
