As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
