im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
