I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My breath smells like gin and sadness
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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