i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Fuck appropriateness.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
