3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
