chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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