By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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