I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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