Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
