it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
How does it feel to date your dad?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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