can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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