please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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