I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
