He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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