I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
