just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
