one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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