You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
