I just threw up on my dentist
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
