do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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