her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
