I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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