Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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