May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize