I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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