i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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