go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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