I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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