I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
