Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
