ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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