lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
