Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
