I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize