I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
