I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
