She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
