I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
