he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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