Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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