I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
