i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
