First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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