the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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