i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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