I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
