I wish my penis had an off switch
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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