the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
