I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
