Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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