I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
