but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
