ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
