if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
