I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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