i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
