he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
